Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. Most days it is a quick thought, something that doesn’t take root in my heart or my mind. But not always. And when I let that fear begin to take root, when I don’t leave it at God’s feet, I spiral.
I still remember the day like it was yesterday…some details glare out at me, others have faded some, but are still there. The day started early, with Ben bringing her into our bed. We both noticed a deep purple bruise on her ear (her ear!), and her mouth seemed to have just a little blood in, like she had bit her lip. I knew. Deep down, I knew. I had wrestled with it for over a week, and I believe that was God’s way of helping to soften the blow. You want answers, but you don’t. You want to figure out the path of healing, but you don’t want to hear the words that will shatter your heart into a million pieces.
When we sit back and hear what life could look like for Brynna after radiation, it’s heartbreaking. When we sit back and think about her relapsing and what that would look like, it’s devastating. Some choices in medicine are black and white – you must take this medicine or do this procedure to survive. Others, like this one, are the grayest of grays. There is no right answer. It feels like a lose lose situation, especially when you have to make this decision for your CHILD.
“She’s so brave, and she’s trying so hard…she’s only 2.” And just like that, our world shifted and we remembered. Continue Reading
Thank you for following along on Brynna’s journey in her fight against childhood leukemia. I will share updates, prayer requests, and other information as often as I can here. Please feel free to share with others, and ask questions as they come up!
