Before I dive into this post, I just wanted to say this…the decision that Ben and I have made (that God has led us to), is what we believe 100% is best for our daughter, and our family. There are many other families who would choose the opposite for their child, and we would back them 100%. There is no right or wrong. Also, we fully know and understand that there are many families who do not get to even make this decision…the treatment path is chosen for them, and radiation is a requirement for remission and survival. If you are one of those families, please know that our hearts are with you. There is no “easy” way with cancer. 99% of Brynna’s treatment, we accepted and knew that she must have, and we didn’t look back. This is the tiny portion where we were given a decision.

Ben and I prayed fiercely over this decision. Countless people covered us in prayer over this decision (THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!). It was in no way an easy one, but we knew it was God’s decision if we trusted Him and sought Him. One of our biggest prayers was that God would unite us completely on whichever path we were to choose. And He did. We BOTH feel a huge amount of peace in saying NO to radiation.

When it came down to it, we just couldn’t pursue a treatment for her that we knew would affect that sweet mind of hers, especially without a guarantee that it is absolutely necessary. From the get-go, we felt that both decisions would require a massive amount of faith…if we decided to pursue radiation, we would have faith that the Lord would protect her from many of the side effects. If we decided to NOT pursue radiation, we would, in essence, be stepping off the boat in faith. Radiation is in her protocol, but even the doctors had a tough time recommending it to us. So, we are stepping off the boat in faith that God has healed her, and will continue to heal her. We fully trust in all that He has in store for her, and it has been an honor and a privilege to walk along side of her, and watch all that I AM can do.

Last Thursday, I had an appointment with the transplant specialist on the oncology team, just to hear an overview of what bone marrow transplant looks like, if she relapses. We had originally asked for the appointment right after our initial meeting with the radiation oncologist, thinking it might help us make our decision, hearing what relapse would entail for her (if that happened). By the time last Thursday rolled around, we had already made our decision, but I decided to keep the appointment anyways. I was a little nervous that at the least, it would be a waste of time, or that at the most, it would make me fully question our decision, but it was neither. It was SO GOOD, and I am soooo thankful I went! It 100% completely reaffirmed for me, our decision to say no to radiation.

Is relapse scary? Absolutely. Is it the end of the line? No. The treatment options, the rate at which they are developing and learning new things for leukemia treatment is INCREDIBLE. It took the “terror” out of relapse for me. I’m still scared of it, it would still be absolutely devastating, but it was what I needed to hear to continue to give God my fears and anxieties over it. Also, the meeting just reaffirmed to me, YET AGAIN, how much of a miracle Brynna is, especially when the doctor called her a miracle. If Brynna had not been in remission on Day 28 (which it was assumed that she would NOT be in remission), she would have headed straight for a bone marrow transplant…but the leukemia cells had ravaged her body. Many of her internal organs were severely damaged, and took months to heal. Brynna may not have been healthy enough for a bone marrow transplant to work properly for her. Again, just God. He is a miracle worker, and the story He is writing through Brynna is just continuing to show those watching, the power of prayer, and all that He can do.

The song that is on repeat in my head (and that Ben has laid claim to as his favorite first, haha) is Elevation Worship’s “Do It Again”

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed me yet

I’ve seen You move, come move the mountains
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again

We serve a good God y’all. A good and amazing God. ALL glory and honor to Him. Let’s continue to watch what I AM can do.

Full song in case you’d like to listen…my favorite part is around 3:30…