A few weeks ago, I asked all of you in the social media world, if you had any questions about childhood cancer, or anything pertaining to that. I got some great questions, and I decided to start a little series to answer them! I don’t know how often I’ll get to write a post, answering the questions, but just know, if you asked a question, I am in the process of answering! 🙂

The first question is a great one, and while it was asked in regards to families with a childhood cancer diagnosis, I believe that it can pertain to anyone who is suffering, grieving, had their world shattered…

A friend/acquaintance/family I know, just had a child diagnosed with cancer. How can I help? What are the most beneficial ways? What if I don’t know them, but would really like to help?

Did you know…every day, 43 children are diagnosed with cancer? In the grand scheme of things, that is a low number, but that is 43 families that are blindsided with their worst nightmare, every.single.day. If you’re reading this, chances are extremely high that you know a family that has gone through this or will one day know someone…maybe it’s us, maybe you found this post through google, maybe you are a friend of a friend of a friend. Whatever the case, you are probably searching for ways to help, and maybe just feeling completely empty handed on how to do that.

I have had a handful of questions from people asking how they can help families that have recently faced a childhood cancer diagnosis, so I thought I would share some ways and ideas that have been extremely helpful to us.

The initial days after a cancer diagnosis are extremely overwhelming, devastating, terrifying, and full of so many unknowns. As the time progresses, things will ease up, but that doesn’t necessarily take away some of the needs, especially the need for prayer and encouragement. Here is a list of things that have touched us in a mighty way, and ways that you can reach out to someone in a similar situation, whether you know them well or not.

FINANCIAL

I’m covering this one first, simply because it’s the most obvious, immediate need. However, I completely understand that you may not be in a place to help financially, or you would rather give and help in different ways. Keep reading below for a whole host of other ideas on how to help!

Obviously, finances and medical bills are a huge factor when facing a diagnosis. For families that have 2 working parents, often 1 will have to take a leave of absence from their job in order to become a full-time caregiver. The medical bills will pile up. Praise the Lord for insurance, but even that comes with caveats. We will reach the Out of Pocket max for Brynna every year for probably the next 3-4 years. That’s overwhelming to think of, but we just take it one day at a time. On top of that, things like ambulance rides, over the counter medications, and a handful of other things are not covered by insurance, and are bills on top of that out of pocket max. If there is a GoFundMe available, you can donate there, if you are able.

FUNDRAISERS

As a subset of financial, I wanted to touch on fundraisers for a second. We have had 3 fundraisers organized for us by friends, with another starting later this week (I’m excited!!). 2 fundraisers were organized/initiated by past brides of mine, and 1 was organized and run by a friend from church, and all 3 were incredible!! Each girl that organized the fundraiser used her particular contacts/business/talents, and it was an amazing way to inspire and help!

MEALS

For us, financial help was HUGE and truly needed to cover those medical bills, but the meals and restaurant gift cards were life savers, especially in those early weeks. If there is a meal train, you can sign up for that. If there is not a meal train, you can help organize one for the family! And then, put it on your calendar for 3 months down the road, for 6 months, for a year. Although diagnosis and treatments start off as a sprint, they turn into a marathon, and as the months and years go by, treatment may become “easier” and less intense, but it’s still overwhelming, all those trips to clinic, the worry over things like, “Is this because she’s 2, or because she needs a blood transfusion”, and all of the exhaustion that the chemo brings.

One thing that I have loved is when someone just, out of the blue, texts and says, “I’m bringing you a meal this week. Let me know what day is best and if there’s anything you guys can’t eat.” It’s amazing how much a text like that takes a burden off. I know there have been a million times over the years that I have thrown out the, “Let me know if I can do anything!” line, truly wanting to help, but not knowing how. Yet, how many people actually reach out about that? I am awful at asking for help. I am trying to get better at being specific if someone asks how they can help, but it is still hard to accept it sometimes.

TANGIBLE

An Amazon wishlist was never on my mind, until a friend of a friend asked if we had one. I wasn’t sure what was even supposed to be put on it, so I put a myriad of things…household items, things for the kids, practical things, “fun” things, etc. People jumped at the opportunity to show their support this way, and those first few weeks, I was met by a stack of packages nearly every day when I got home from the hospital. And our boys were thought of as well, which meant the world. Cole was only 4 months at the time, so he wasn’t aware at all, but Wyatt knew something wasn’t right, something was different. The books and thoughtful gifts will never replace what was lost that month (time with his sister), but it helped him realize he was thought of as well.

So, all that to say, see if they have an Amazon wishlist, and if they don’t, then maybe suggest they start one! If they have other kids, think about how you can bless them as well…diapers, clothes, books, games, puzzles, even just stickers and bubbles! A few weeks in, I had a sweet friend sent me a beautiful, thoughtful package that was solely for me…candles, bath bombs, a cute mug, etc. It meant the world. We have received clothes for Brynna along the way (pocket shirts!!), travel coffee mugs after I mentioned I had lost mine, snacks, toys, games, books…truly, y’all have been INCREDIBLE to our entire family through all of this, and those are amazing ways to bless others as well. Send something 6, 9, 12 months down the road, even just a card letting them know you are thinking about them and praying for them. You have no idea how much that means! 

SERVICE

There is a sweet family at our church who immediately volunteered to care for our garden and yard (and play with our pups haha), from the get-go. She would text me and tell me when she was coming over, and her and her kids planted our entire garden, weeded it (and our other beds), helped harvest it, played with our dogs, and played with Wyatt. Her husband mowed our lawn. These things were HUGE to us! And anytime she is heading out on a host of errands, she texts me and tells me where she’s going and asks what she can bring me. She is a true gem, y’all.

For the first couple of months, we also had people pick up our groceries for us! There are so many options available now to order your groceries online and pickup at the store, so I would order our groceries, and different women from our church would pick them up weekly, and unpack them in our house. Again, something that may seem simple, but was HUGE for us!! In those early weeks where we spent all day at the hospital, we never had time to go to the store, and this was so amazing.

So, maybe there’s something that enjoy doing or would just like to assist with, like yardwork, housecleaning, running errands, walking dogs, etc. Be specific in your offering! Or maybe you have a gift or talent (photography, cooking, painting, house projects, dog whisperer haha) that you would love to offer. I promise any offer feels incredible! 

KIDS

We are truly BEYOND blessed with my parents who changed their entire lives to help us with our kids on a day in and day out basis. They are still over nearly every single day, helping with the kids, especially as we shuttle them around for various appointments and such. I know that this is so often not the case for families, so offering to help with the kids can be huge.

PRAYER

As much as everything I mentioned above is important and an incredible gift, truly the BEST thing you can do for your friend or acquaintance is to pray. And pray without ceasing. Teach your children to pray for child. Partner with them in this way. We have truly witnessed miracles throughout this process, and I know without a DOUBT it is the incredible prayers that are boueying us, lifting us up, and bringing peace beyond understanding. Don’t ever underestimate the power in prayer.

And don’t be afraid to text or email to let them know you are praying…especially as time goes on. I think for anyone that has gone through a tragedy (from losing a loved one, to a sickness, etc), you know that sometimes it feels like the world has moved on, and you are still sludging through the grief and despair. So, let them know you are still thinking about them, caring for them, praying for them.

And I hesitate to write this part, but don’t expect a thank you. I know that sounds bad, but sometimes everything is so overwhelming, thank yous just don’t happen. I have been slowly working through our GoFundMe page, our Amazon page, etc. to send thank yous. I’m sure some people have received multiple thank yous, while others haven’t received one at all. We are truly BEYOND grateful for every single prayer, text, email, meal, dollar given, gift card sent, meal delivered, errand run, and I wish so badly that I could send a personalized thank you to every single person, but I had to let the stress of that go. (So, side note, if you are one of those who hasn’t received a personal thank you, PLEASE know your gift and support did NOT go unnoticed and truly meant the world!!).

I hope this list helped, and gave you some ideas! And if you think of other ideas, feel free to leave them in the comments! I feel like all of this can go hand in hand with SO many situations, not just a child’s cancer diagnosis. One thing I constantly remind myself and others is that everyone is going through something. Yes, a child’s cancer diagnosis is a huge something, but everyone is hurting and struggling with something…and everyone will face a tragic, grief filled season at some point in their lives. The way that we have been loved on and supported has opened my eyes in a new way to the beauty that comes from being the hands and feet of Jesus.