Guys, my heart is so full right now…words can’t even describe it. Today is the start of Brynna’s Delayed Intensification cycle, and I’m dreading it, but at the same time, entering it feeling so encouraged and refreshed and renewed. Brynna has had nearly 2 weeks chemo free, and 3 1/2 weeks free of any hardcore chemo, and it has been AMAZING. We have gotten a glimpse of “normalcy”, and she has just flourished (perhaps not in the sleep department, but in so many other areas).
Last week, we were given the gift of a few days in the Outer Banks with Ben’s brother and his wife and my parents. They invited us and my parents down to spend the week with them. When they first invited us, I thought, “well that would be awesome, but maybe next year.” It just didn’t seem feasible, but as Ben and I talked about it, it started to click with us that the timing was absolutely perfect. Brynna was supposed to start her next round of chemo this past Thursday, but because we decided to move her treatment day to Tuesdays, we were given 5 bonus days…meaning her counts were most likely good, and she was doing well. As it started to sink in that we might actually make this work, I tried not to get too excited because I didn’t want it to come crashing down around us. I emailed Brynna’s doctor who agreed that it was the perfect time to go, but we needed to check her counts (labs) before we went. So, Tuesday night, we packed up everything so that I could take Brynna in for counts bright and early Wednesday morning. Her counts came back great, we got the final ok, picked Wyatt up from preschool with my parents, met Ben around lunchtime, and headed down.
The forecast showed the remnants of Hurricane Matthew hitting on Thursday, with the rain continuing on Friday. When we arrived Wednesday evening, we went straight to the beach, unsure if that was the only time we would really get. Once we got to the sand, I took Brynna’s shoes off and set her down. She first said no, then “Actually…” (which is her new favorite word, generally paired with no haha). She just stood there for a good 5-10 minutes wiggling her toes in the sand, and loving every minute of it. I’m not sure how long we were at the beach that evening, probably 30-45 minutes, but it was amazing. The waves were crazy, but the kids shrieked with laughter, running from them, getting their feet wet, and finding sea shells. As the sun set and we headed back to the house, I told Ben that if that was all we got, even if it rained the rest of our time, it was worth it. Absolutely worth it.
And then Thursday. Y’all. God is so good. Thursday was an absolutely beautiful day. The forecast had shown thunder storms and strong wind all day long. Instead, we had warm sunshine with the strong wind, but it was perfect. We spent hours on the beach, and it was one of the funnest days of my life. Watching the kids have the time of their life, was what my heart needed so desperately. Watching Brynna twirl in her swimsuit skirt, run into the tip of the waves, hunt for shells, slide down the sand hills, and just overflow with joy, was incredible. I honestly took no pictures of them on the beach that day. I purposely chose to just BE…to just be present, to store the pictures and memories deep into my heart and it was good.
The hurricane hit Thursday night (the same time it was hitting our home, which God protected!), and so although Friday was sunny, it was a bit chilly as the fall air was being ushered in. We didn’t spend as long on the beach that day, but we hunted for shells, played in the waves a bit, and still had a great time. Saturday morning, the kids woke us up before dawn, and so we decided to head down to the beach to see the sunrise and spend a little bit playing before we had to head home later that morning. Despite our exhaustion, it was, again, one of my favorite parts of the trip. Just the 5 of us, enjoying the stunning beauty of God’s creation. I am so thankful we did it!!
The time not spent at the beach was beautiful too. We have literally gone no where since Brynna’s diagnosis, and she has seen next to nobody because her bottomed out counts mean she has to stay isolated…so this was a huge treat for her! We got to spend time with some of Ben’s family, and my parents, and just enjoy feeling “normal”. I see this whole trip, and really these past couple of weeks, as a huge gift from God. Wyatt and Brynna have gotten closer than they have ever been…case in point, they literally spent at least 2 hours on Sunday afternoon playing with each other, without us. They would choose a game together, set it up, play it, put it away, and grab another. Over and over and over. It was beautiful.
Throughout this journey, there is so much pain, so much heartache, so much sheer exhaustion, heart weariness, and loneliness. Even though we know there is hope, even though we know there is light at the end of the tunnel, we needed this time. We needed our hope renewed. We needed our tanks filled. We needed it. Brynna needed it. She probably feels better now than she has in over a year. And as we enter this next intense cycle, I want to cling to that hope, cling to the memories we’ve made, cling to the light, and just know that we ARE going to make it through this.
