You guys, we are over HALF WAY through Brynna’s crazy, intense portion of chemo treatment! It’s been the longest, yet shortest months of our lives. As of Wednesday, she will have had 20 weeks of treatment, and will have 16 weeks left…this doesn’t include all of the delays she’s had (and is bound to have in the future), only the actual weeks of treatment (and the last couple of days of this cycle are simply oral chemo given at home). We are officially DONE with our (planned) hospital stays, and I am so, so thankful!! She was incredible during every stay, but this last one, it was evident she was just over the hospital. She had walked her baby doll Jenna from the clinic to the hospital (the buildings are not connected, so it’s outside, across 2 streets, and a couple of blocks). She did so great just walking along, bringing SO many smiles as she went! But as soon as the elevator opened up to the 7th floor? She visibly slumped and I could see the sadness and disappointment just wash over her, and it was heart breaking. We didn’t do much wagoning this time around, she shared a room, and it was just different. But she was chipper and joyful and such a trooper!

And this is Colleen. 🙂 If you go to Chapel Downtown, you probably recognize her, but she has quickly worked her way into Brynna’s heart and is one of Brynna’s 3 favorite nurses. Every time she sees a picture of a nurse, she always recites her favorites…”Miss Cate, Miss Colleen, and Miss Emily.” All of her nurses have been truly incredible, but those 3 have something special with Brynna. 🙂

It’s hard to say what the “hardest” phase of this whole process is, because each phase obviously brings its own share of hardships. This current phase we just finished up is terribly hard because of the hospital stays, but the days in between those hospital stays have been (for the most part) sweet and almost “normal”. We’ve heard rumors and rumblings that this next phase, Delayed Intensification, is the hardest yet. It is basically an exact repeat of the first 2 months of treatment, and those were INTENSE to say the least. She had a ton of blood and platelet transfusions during those months, and I know we have that ahead. She will be on a heavy dose of steroids for 2 of the first 4 weeks of this cycle, and I am so scared about that because steroids make anyone a bit crazy. She has oral chemo, a ton of clinic IV chemo, and several lumbar punctures (spinal taps). All that to say, if you see us in the next couple of months, give us a hug, we probably need it. 😉 Although she was in the hospital stay for the entire first month of her treatment, this next phase won’t involve any planned hospital stays (we’d only be admitted if she gets a fever or catches any sort of sickness). She was hospitalized for so long at the beginning because of how incredibly sick she was in those initial days.

Part of me is terrified of this next phase, especially the first 4 weeks that include 14 doses of steroids. I think back to what our PICU days looked like, and the fear, pain, and delirium that accompanied the steroid doses and intense chemo. I look ahead at the fact that this phase is happening as “sick” season descends upon us. And I am so scared…scared at what these next weeks will hold, at what the weeks won’t hold, scared of the possibility of her catching a simple cold and ending up with a scary ER visit and hospital stay. And these fears are real…BUT God is always quick to remind me of how far she has come. When she started her first dose of chemo on April 10th, she was only 2 days post facing death in the face. This cycle saved her life. And her body responded SO WELL, and after those 4 weeks of treatment, she was in remission, something that even the doctors were surprised by. They were, without a doubt, the absolute hardest weeks of our lives (for many reasons beyond just the intense treatment), but God worked MIRACLES in her life in those first 4 weeks. Yes, that treatment saved her life, but God began His huge healing process as well. And here we are, almost 6 months to the day when she starts her next cycle, and she is SO much stronger and so much healthier. Is this cycle going to be rough? Absolutely. Are we going to make it through? Most definitely, because God.

So, please pray for her, and pray for us. The dose of steroids is higher than she received initially, but she is also going to be home during this process, which is HUGE, and she is SOOO much stronger going into all of this, this time around. The chemo is going to be extremely intense, causing all sorts of side effects, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically. My heart aches thinking of everything her body has to endure, but I am so unbelievably proud of this girl. SO PROUD. I wish you guys could see and experience the JOY and light this girl brings when we walk into clinic every week. I wish you could see the smiles she produces as she pushes baby Jenna off the elevator and into the lobby. Even the security guards know baby Jenna’s name. 🙂 Brynna is my hero, and always will be.

She will officially start Delayed Intensification on October 16th. The protocol of her treatment requires a week in between this cycle she is just finishing (officially finished this Wednesday), and the next…and then we decided to move her treatment days to Tuesday as our doctor’s clinic days have changed, and I have MOPs on Thursdays that I would SO love to be able to attend! Thus the delay until the 16th. If all goes well and we have no delays (i.e. sickness, counts, etc.) during this phase, she will finish it on December 10th!

So, how can you pray? Here are some specific requests…

• Pray for a miraculous hedge of protection around Brynna (and our entire family) from sickness of ANY sort. A common cold can become life threatening for her, and anything that produces even a low grade fever can land her in the ER and at least a 48 hour hospital stay. We have seen God work miracles in our life and hers over and over and over again…big and small…and we fully believe he can protect our family this sick season! This includes my parents too, as they are over every day helping with Brynna.
• Pray for Brynna’s mental health. The delirium that she experienced in the hospital was terriyfing. Ben and my dad experienced way more than I did (as it more often surfaced at night), and although a lot of that had to do with the PICU/hospital stay, the steroids can have a significant impact on this as well.
• Pray for Brynna’s (and Cole’s, and thereby Ben’s and my) sleep. Cole is still up 2-3 times a night, and Brynna has some good nights and some rougher nights, but she NEEDS the sleep. You can see it in her eyes, in her demeanor, in her ability to handle anything (as any normal 2 1/2 year old haha), but she just can’t sleep sometimes. If Cole would start sleeping well, then Ben and I could tag team Brynna, which would be helpful all around. Also, I can’t remember the last time I’ve gotten a decent night of sleep, and although God has continued to give me the ability to function day in and day out, I would truly love to get a good night of sleep…or several. 🙂
• Pray that Ben and I would be filled with hope, grace, grace, more grace, patience, even more grace, and wisdom on how to balance, love, discipline, help, and just be still and let God. We’ve been working really hard on creating space for each other together, and each other to have the alone/friend time that we need to be refreshed and renewed, and I think that’s going to be even more important during this next phase.
• Pray for strength for Brynna’s little body, that she would handle all of the drugs well and efficiently…and that the side effects would be minimal.

We so covet and appreciate your prayers more than you know.