In those awful, early days after Brynna’s diagnosis, one of my dear friends told me about the album of “Scripture Lullabies” on Amazon music (and another sweet friend mailed us a CD of them!). I looked them up, and as soon as they started playing, I was weeping. They are soft, gentle, absolutely beautiful songs that put scripture to music. We decided immediately that these needed to be playing in Brynna’s hospital room as much as we could possibly play them. We loved the idea of scripture being sung over Brynna, over her room, surrounding her, comforting her, holding her. I’ve mentioned before that we felt there was spiritual warfare going on in that hospital over our daughter, and these songs (God’s words) pierced through that darkness. In the weeks since we’ve been home, I had forgotten about them until recently. Nights are really hard for Brynna still, and as we are constantly trying to find something that will help ease the burden of those nights on her and us (mainly Ben, he spends his nights with her nearly all night every night), these songs came back up, and we have them set up, playing nearly all day and night in her room.

The other night, I was laying with her, and a song came on that just caught my heart, and made me cry…Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. I mean, look at this chorus…

You are fearfully and wonderfully made

Long before you drew your first breath

I knew your name

Surely goodness and mercy

Will follow you forever

For you are fearfully and wonderfully made

As I lay there, with Brynna snuggled up in my arm, the words of this song just washed over us, washed over her. I started thinking about how perfectly God made Brynna. Despite this awful cancer diagnosis, despite the battle raging deep inside her body, Brynna is FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. When God made Brynna, He knew the battle she was going to face, and He designed her perfectly to face it. He gave her a fierce determination, that we see play out in how she lives her life (she doesn’t let the cancer stop her from living her best life!). He gave her an incredibly strong will that she is using every day to fight for her life. He gave her a sense of humor and desire to make others laugh, to ensure things never get too heavy around her. He gave her the bluest, most beautiful eyes I have ever seen so that they pop even more without her blonde hair. He gave her dimples to make her cute and light up her smile. He gave her an impassioned love of her family. He created her in His image, and He loves her even more fiercely than Ben and I do.

Looking deep into your eyes

You’re beautiful, like no one else

I smile when I think about your face

You were made in My own image

Carefully, My love would finish

Forming you into who you are

I won’t let you go, I’m here with you always

I’ll watch you grow strong because I know

You are fearfully and wonderfully made

It’s hard for me to take my eyes off of Brynna sometimes. I sit back in awe and amazement at this tiny little thing who is fighting a HUGE battle with an awful disease, yet here she is, running, laughing, joking, playing, and loving. I can’t even put into words what it’s like to watch her, but I know God has created her for something incredible. Long before she drew her first breath, He KNEW HER NAME. It’s just phenomenal.

Ben and I put a LOT of thought into the names of our children (so much so, we never know their names until they are born, and even then it can take hours or days haha). Brynna was the only one that we had mostly agreed on before birth, but still hadn’t fully decided until we met her. The meaning behind their names is extremely important to us, and we take it seriously. People ask me how we came up with Brynna’s name, and I truly have no idea. I still remember the moment it popped into my head. Ben and I were just laying in bed a month or so before she was born, and all of a sudden I found myself saying, “What about Brynna?”. I had never heard it before, had no idea where it came from or how it popped into my head, and didn’t know what it meant at the time…it was the first name that Ben said, “Hm, I like it” to, and we figured it was a strong contender just at that. When we looked up the meaning, we found it meant STRONG. You guys. Truly, how incredible is that!? She is THE strongest, bravest, most courageous person I know, and her name is PERFECT. Brynna means STRONG, Kate means PURE. We love those together, and I am convinced it was God whispering her name into our hearts, and the meaning behind it is just a small peek into who she is.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14